There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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