I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
