Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
