break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
