i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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