I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
