Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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