I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
