I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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