Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
