I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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