im having a threesome with these popsicles
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
