'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Randomize
