Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
honey bunches of taint.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
