Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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