So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize