You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
