i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
