I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
