Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
