9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
