I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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