You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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