dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
