Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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