I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
im on a boat
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