dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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