We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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