so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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