you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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