her vagina looked like bernie madoff
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize