so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
