You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize