I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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