remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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