dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
