when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize