Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am spending my child support on dildos
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
