my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
