Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
