Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
