Will you blow on my dice?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
