I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
