Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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