The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
