Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize