Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize