sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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