You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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