thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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