the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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