Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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