No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
