I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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