I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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