Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
