I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
