Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
