Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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