I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The police scanner is talking about you again....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
