Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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