Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
