You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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