i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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