well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
