Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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