Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize