all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
