Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
