I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize