Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
