That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
