Please, let me fuck your mom
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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