FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
