If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
only you would photoshop your dick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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