I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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