he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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