Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize