dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
