I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
