Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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