I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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