at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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