Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize