Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
