But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
