Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Someone shit on the floor
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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